can you be the next pakistani opener?

Position Available: Opener for the Pakistan cricket team (National Squad) - temporary position

Position Requirements

No experience required.

Age - Must be young. Under 25, with minimum domestic or international exposure.

Preference for candidates from “warring tribal areas.”

Required to score 100 on debut
…and 50 every 20th game thereafter.

Cover drives must be spectacular
…no other shots required
…the worse your pull shot, the better your chances
…proper technique is severely frowned upon

Must flash aggressively at every 3rd delivery well outside the off stump
…contact with delivery optional

Must get out on every 5th such aggressive flash
…contact with delivery not optional

Bandana wearers encouraged to apply.

Must have the diving agility of a cheetah
…but the catching ability of a snail

Must be able to bowl legspin or off break
…however, not required to take wickets (please see note)

Note: In the event that a wicket is taken, or if said player does in fact have wicket taking abilities, the PCB and team management cannot be held responsible for the consequences. The ICC will suspend said player for one of the following reasons:

a) Throwing
b) Match-fixing
c) Match-fixing and throwing
d) Bringing the game into disrepute
e) Bringing yourself into disrepute
f) Bringing iguanas into disrepute
g) Bringing koala bears into disrepute
h) Bringing antique furniture into disrepute
i) Not bringing anything to repute whatsoever
j) All of the above

Complicated numerical nomenclature will be supplied for every law created/cited in the process of having said player banned for just enough games till he/she is completely demoralized and out of form.

Terms and conditions

Short term contract only, 1-1.5 tours
Must be willing to travel extensively, across continents, on a moment’s notice

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co-authored by Omar

cross-posted at Omar Loves Cricket and cricket.bloggers.pk